what do i do??

well am a mum to 3 kids all with the same dad. my kids have suffered so much over the years because of my 8 year relationship with there dad. i dont love him and havent for a long time. not even sure i ever did. but just dont know what to do i had a really good male friend about 10 years ago and he told me he had feelings for me. then but i thought i was in love with the kids dad. but after i had 2 kids. we got back in touch and were really good friends untill i fell in love with him. i stayed with the kids dad for a bit then we split. and i ended up in bed with this guy i loved. and it was amazing my dreams had come true. the kids loved him they were alot more seattled. things were great then a dont know what happened he left to go live else were. i got jealous and thot he was cheating and i got back with the kids dad. and had another baby that he doesnt think is his. but we split again. and i got back with this other guy. am still in love with him and always will be but we split again. because the kids dad wont see us to gether and let me be happy he says i have made him the way he isbut he cant blame it on me our relationship had loads of problems but everytime i get away from him he talks me round i cant do it anymore we dont even fight anymore its that bad a just go aalong with it. the other guy will never come back now a wish he just stood up to the kids dad in the first place and told him straight but its never going to happen we both said that we still love each other but can never be together its just not fair i found out lately hes ingaged and now i think he lied to me about how he felt caus av not spoke to him in a year but he still feels the same he should be marrying me i just dont know what to do anymore