my ex dont help me get things 4 our daughter wat cn i do ?

[mummytia]

hey my ex dosnt buy nething 4 are daughter even tho i have asked him to help but he dosent help me ether way  

[mummytia]

what can i do i realy need help with this situation

[suz]

Sure he's not losing sleep over it so why should you.  Go to a lawyer and the CSA its only taken them 8 years to get in touch with me.  My ex has never given me money for my daughter.  I allowed him access but he still draggedme to court for more but the court social services etc agreed with the contact i was giving him.  He doesn't work and between him and his new wife they have 8 children the first two he has had no contact with for 10 years or more.  So essentially as JK likes to point out it is tax payers who are paying for his kids.  He even said in court that as my ex-husband (who has brought up my daugter since she was2) was involved he contributed and he really couldn't afford it because of his new family!  Even thogh through the CSA he will only have to give me five pounds a week it is the principle of the matter.  The only advice I can give you is going through the official channels it may give him the boot up the backside he needs.  If not don't put extra stress on yourself and just give your daughter what you can.  The best gift you will give her though is by being there and showing her love and that is free.

[mummytia]

iv tryed all that but it hasnt wored  n wat anoyes me 2 is that he still tryin to control me even tho we aint togetha he has contacted evey fornit 10 til 11 n usaly he stays 4 n extra half hour bt wen he came to contact this week abi was started to cry for no aprent reason n he left on tym b4 he wen i made a joke n sed welcome to parent hood n all he said was it aint that bad but wen ur a single mum it harder wofk than they relize  he takes it forgranted n wen i was pregant wid her he was tellin me she wasnt his n that he wanted a dna test so i agree to do i if he got it all sorted bt it din materialize n wen she was born he went straight to a solistor 4 contact n i thought wat the heck u tell me u want a dna test n then he gose n dose that my mum n stepdad has done more for my daughter then he has coz i asked him if he culd get a new cot coz my old 1 broke n e was lyk no u get it n he knws i cant afoord it coz im on benifits n all he dose wen he gets his benifits is piss it against the wall n it gets realy frustreaing defentaly wen i cant aford to geting wen i have to pay bill

[suz]

Have u tried getting a crisis loan from the social?  At least when youe daughter is older you will have pride in the fact you provided for her and if he any kind of man he will feel ashamed.  If he is still trying to control you have the contact at a contact centre so you don't even have to see him.  Have your lawyer and the CSA contact him about maintanence and a DNA if he wants it.  He seems as though he is trying to scare you so just play him at his own game for a change.

[mummytia]

i dont wnt him to have contacted widout me there n if i did give him cntct in a contacte centre then i wuld have to go to him as there aint one in my area

[suz]

Why no contact without you?  Do you want him back? Sounds as though you still want some control over him and thats not fair on anyone.  Contact social services and they'll help you.  Think you should sort your mind out about what it is tat you really want.

[Dawn_Burke]

My ex dosent make any contribution to our daughter who is seven this year..

Hes sees her every second or third week and it really hurts when she ask's why daddys never around...

He used to be great for spending time with her but then he got married and now has a son so shes been pushed out..

I no it dosent help to support you but just remember when your child is old enough theyll understand who was there 24/7 and who wasnt

And hell be the one who has to face her and answer all the questions..

Maybe because of this she'll decide she dosent want to no him and wen hes old and lonely wondering why his daughter dosent speak to him he'll only have himself to blame.. xx

[suz]

I agree totally Dawn.  I have always thought that I don't need to make him look bad he will do it all by himself.  It is hard but I believe that my daughter will realsie when she is older that at least I did the best I could for her.