A question i've pondered for sometime

[johnfranklyn]

As a parent and former mentor for young people at risk, I started to ponder a question. The following question pops into my head quite regular but I cannot satisfy myself with an answer and without having to do what could be considerable research.

I just wondered what others may think and what ideas they have.

The question I have been asking myself is the following :-

When does a child stop being a child and become responsible for their own actions?

This has been popping into my head regularly.

What do you think?

[Admin]

As a parent and former mentor for young people at risk, I started to ponder a question. The following question pops into my head quite regular but I cannot satisfy myself with an answer and without having to do what could be considerable research.

I just wondered what others may think and what ideas they have.

The question I have been asking myself is the following :-

When does a child stop being a child and become responsible for their own actions?

This has been popping into my head regularly.

What do you think?

My eldest  is 16 and is adamant she is old enough to make her own mistakes, I`m not so sure. I keep telling her some mistakes have drastic effects that aren`t as easy to fix as they where to make, i.e drugs, unprotected sex and so on.

[johnfranklyn]

The I think about it the more I feel the authorities want us to be an effective parent, but remove that effectiveness to some large extent.

What draws to me to this conclusion is a number of issues -

* A child can go to their GP, be placed on the pill without parents being informed or having the right to know - that can happen at about the age of 13 / 14

* A child can be given the morning after pill at school again without parental knowledge, but the way it is given and recorded means that the PCT do not identify girls who regularly make the request for this pill, so cannot identify a child who is at risk - again this happens from the age 13

* When a child enters college at the age of 16, they only communicate with the pupil even if they are living at home with their parents and have no need to involve parents at any stage.

There are probably a load more examples - but if we as parents are to be held accountable for how our children turnout, surely we should remain in control or at the very least be informed ofexactly what is happening.

[loners]

Most of your concerns seem to be about your children having sex without your knowledge. Perhaps your children are very close to you and would tell you if they were, but that's pretty rare. I would say on average there is a probability that 90% of children at 13 or 14 would not tell their parents they were having sex unless it was obvious they were going to get caught out anyway, or in most cases of those, they would wait and hope it would go away so they never get caught, thus the chances of teenage pregnancy's at a young age.
So now you need to make a preference somewhere, would you rather your 13year old daughter had access to morning after pill and the pill without your knowledge, or would you rather she went through self denial and you found out when she was 5 to 6 months pregnant? There is a chance you would notice beforehand but let's face it, a lot of pregnancy stuff is pretty much the same hormones as teenage hormone problems, putting on weight, getting larger breasts and even the odd throwing up session, at 13 to 14 years old that tends to be pretty normal. It's all pretty tricky, and personally I would like to be in a position where I could say to a child of that age, it would be better to wait to have sex until you are ready, but if anything should happen, here are some alternative ways of dealing with it, and you don't even have to tell me first unless you want to and you would like some advice.
Right, the college question. I think a child that lives at home during college years, shouldn't be treated any different to a child that lives away and goes to college. They are now trying everywhere to make 6th form school like a college, to encourage children to stay on at school rather then go on to college. I think if you can persuade your children to stay on and do A levels, it gives them an extra 2 years to actually decide what they want to do. At 16 your head is all over the place, and I feel there's a lot of pressure in getting them to make a career choice at that age. If they stay on and take A levels, all they have to decide is which subjects they are good at and enjoy and stand a chance of passing. They can still take further A levels at 18 when they have absolutely decided which career to go for should they need different ones.

[johnfranklyn]

You are right loners, I am extremely lucky that my children talk to myself or my wife (or both of us together) about everything and yes it is pretty rare. The issue about about sex were just examples (maybe its a worry because they are girls which i've just this minute considered) as to me it is a question i've pondered for a very long time and cannot formulate an answer to, or at least not without it becoming a novel.

What I did discover when my girls were talking about the morning after pill, two out three thought it also protected them against STD's, it was either a miss undertsanding on their behalf or they were given wrong information, but they themselves admit they could've miss understood, fortunately our relationship means they do talk and ask questions which allowed us to clear this matter up, its an honour to know your children trust you as much as mine do.

I agree with what you say, but its one of those topics were I find myself having more questions than answers and I would rather try to get some answers rather than just wonder.

I do think that children are growing up so much faster now than me and my friends did when I was 14, there seems to be so many more pressures on young people now than there was when i their age, I know i'm 26 to 30 years older than my children, but the pressures on young people seemed to have increased so much in that time.