a little humillity please

[kazc123]

i often hear jeremy kyle berating his guests ...some are ,i feel,just desserts,but when i comes to desperate parents with out of control kids who contact the show for help,who is he to look down on them and judge. i myself am experiencing turbulent times with my 14 year old daughter.We argue alot,she will not toe the line with the ground rules set in place at home and generally has ripped my little family apart..eventually she stormed out and went to live with her father.then came to stay with me for a few months when her father was sectioned under the mental health act,then when he was released,against all my efforts she went back to him as there are no rules or discipline or consequences.Jeremy advises that you contact social services...i did . 3 times.as did school.they were simply not interested as she had a roof over head..even though it was with her alcoholic substance using father who let her stay out all hours.one guest on Mondays (28th Sept 2009)show tried to explain that you cant make a child do something they dont want to do (eg;take contraception) i completely agree yet Jeremy sidestepped the issue and continued on with his rant...disgraceful.show some humility please.to air your dirty laundry in public takes either alot of courage or stupidity.i can never work out which.

[missy23]

i have a 13yr old son hes out of control.hanging around with older lads doing what they r doing.hes not going in too school n now im stuck on what 2 do with him.

[Han]

with the young people ni the uk I think it is an overall problem because there are never conquenses from the authorities the goverment have tied social services hands up and the police aswell. Kazc with your young one you say her dad was sectioned you should maybe contact his case worker I am a long term suffer of depression and in a recent study here in canada it has shown that a vast number of young people suffering have inherted it from one parent or both it makes sense to me because my mum has also suffered for most of her adult life not that she would admit to it. With regard your comment about contraception if I found out either of my daughters were sexually active i would force the injection on them sorry but there is no way I want them ruining their lives with a baby it is about educationg your kids letting them be kids there is no more walks in the woods or running in the park its technologdy that runs the general public now in the uk anyway i havent experienced that here in canada family counts first

[kazc123]

i agree that the hands of several agencies are tied,i feel strongly that this country needs a strong overhaul on all matters. children are well aware now that we cant chastise them or even restrain them without them making complaints to the authorities to then punish us the parent.on a recent visit to my local shop a community support officer was under attack to a torrent of verbal abuse from a group of 11-13 yr olds.they show no respect or remorse.another group of teens have been a nuisance on 3 different estates near to me including mine.the police have banned them from entering any of the estates but to no avail.they dont take any notice.

[kazc123]

hi missy. have you tried to approach the school to get him an alternative curriculum.i managed to get my daughter on a mechanics placement at a nearby college 3 days a week on the condition she attended school the other 2 days to do core subjects.it engaged her back into learning as she isn't an academically minded girl and drew her away from a bad crowd.i dont know where you live but ask school about "base 10".an organisation that helps kids with drug awareness.hope this helps x

[johnfranklyn]

I, like many others consider myself a good parent but recently experienced problems with one my teenagers. he had got in with a bad bunch and was lucky not to have ended up in serious problems.

He blamed others for the trouble he was getting into.

The truth is, he new right from wrong, he made the choices to do the wrong,

WHY?

Because it was exciting.

A lame excuse.

Another came along was he thought he was the man of the house because at 15 he was 6foot 3 inches and still growing.

I had to take severe measures to get him back into line, but it worked.

Whilst some parents can shoulder some of the blame, young people who do wrong also have to accept their part of the blame.

It took sometime, but he eventually realised that my actions had actually saved himself - from himself.

[Han]

John you are a good parent and the fact you took the action you did proves that.

[loners]

Hi John, interesting story,  what severe measures did you actually take?

[johnfranklyn]

Hi Loners,

As my lad was taking drugs, which we only quite recently discovered (weed, base, meow) I introduced him to a young man i'd met who had spent about 14 years using various drugs and in his words, "lost those years to a complete daze", this lad really went through it, I was able to get him to spend time with my lad, the stories he told my son scared him witless, they were of similar ages so related to each other quite a bit. My lad also spoke with his family to find what affect the drugs had on them, again because it was someone else, it wasn't seen as dad giving a lecture.

I managed to get him sometime in a cell which again woke him up quite sharpish. He also got to see what life can be like in a prison, because that is where he was heading.

He spent time in temporary accommodation and found out how difficult it can be to survive and juggle all the balls we do when raising a family, paying the bills etc as well as sorting out lifes problems as they arise, what its like to work for stuff only to find that someone had stolen them when your are out.

The police had to be involved, because it came to our attention that he had started to get involved in other criminal activity.

At the age of 18, it was his decision, and whilst we are far from rich he never went without, he wasn't spoilt with material goods, but was given every emotional support a parent can give, clear rules were set, but as you know, rules have to be flexible and not rigid.

We discovered thefts from the house, money, jewllery, various games, but the thing that really sparked even greater concern was when we discovered he had stolen his mothers medication which could've killed him, this was when the police became further involved, but we worked with the police to take things far enough to change his mind set, but avoid a criminal record. I chose that, because sometimes I feel young people can be easily criminalised, which could only serve to cause more problems.

Was it a testing time, very much so, trying to sort out what ever problem he had, whilst trying to balance it with love and support, but whilst trying to get him to realise how his actions were affecting others and how close he was to ruining his own future.

We had to take firm action, to save him from himself, yes there were others involved from outside the family, but the things he did, he admittedly did them of his own free will.

He did undergo mental health evaluation because of the drugs and as mentioned earlier in this thread, some  mental health conditions can be hereditory, but when this is mixed with drugs, it places the person into a high risk catergory when you complete a risk assessment.

Here, it sounds very brief, it was done over a number of months. We've never hidden anything from our children, but sometimes you tell your children the truth in a child friendly way, so they know whats happening, remain informed, but do not have the stress of an adult.

It was hard to see an intelligent person, who not only had their whole life in front of them, but also had the gifts to acheive, just pooring it all down the toilet.

Months of verbal, physical abuse by someone who was no more than a child was, at best, challenging, but as a parent, who loves their children, you have to be prepared to do anything and everything to help them.

Are things better now, 100%, is he still challenging, yes, but who isn't at times.

So having to involve former addicts, police, prison officers, mental health professionals, place him into temp accommodation, drug councillors, social workers, place him and ourselves under the microscope by any and every authority we could were severe measures.

Did he like me for it?

Not one little bit even telling me just how much he hated me,

was the fight worth fighting?

To save the family as a unit, to save him and as he eventually said

"Dad, you saved my life"

Yes it was worth fighting.

Did I ever want to give up on him?

To be open and honest, at times I did want to throw in the towel, but never once did I stop loving him.

I spent many years in the army, was adopted as a child, so fought many battles in one form or another, but this was by far the worst and the hardest.

I have three priorities in life

1.My children come first on everything
2. Then its my wife
3.Everything else as it needs to be sorted

But at all times, my children come first.