hello my name is tara

I am struggling with my family life, i have a fantastic husband and 2 kids,they both share their birthday as there dead on 1 yr apart. also its very hard as my children are 1 yr and a 7 wk old baby. no matter how much i try i just cant get back on my feet. I am scared when i go out of the house as i dont feel safe. since i had an emergency c-section on 4 feb 2010 i have lost total control my marriage is falling apart n im loosing my kids as my husband dont feel he can trust me to look after them, i just feel like im on my own my husband did most of the work with my eldest tyler who is 1 as i was pregnant with levi n in alot of pain as his umbilical cord was so short causin him to starve of oxygen hence the emergeny c-sec. since levi has been born i have been findig it realy hard to come to terms with not holding my first child tyler as after the op u cant lift anything over u newborns weight for atleast 3 months but 2 wks later after my op i ended up with a haematoma behind my wound which made everything even worse

this past week has been a real head F*** as i moved in with a friend to sort my head out so she moved into mine to help n support me husband as i just cudnt cope any more i love my babies so much n i dnt wana loose them to postnatal depression like my mother did i feel like im failing just this morning i woke up to 4 txts from my husband telin me to pak my bags n get out n that he takin full custody of my kids as the love has been lost between us im in such a state just wrightin this

I also smoke alot of cannabis which i know is the main cause of paranoia, just to help me sleep i i spoke to my health visitor as i started to cut my wrists who told me to visit the gp which referred me to mental health team who im still waitin to hear from. The doctor prescibed me sum pills Mirtazapine 15mg but i been told to take 2 if i really need sum sleep i need help n i just dont know who to turn to