Been on the show anyone, thinking of going on?

Hello my names Johnny Ashton im a recovering severe stutterer Im 38 years old .
I was born into a very dysfunctional family my father was an alchoholic my mother was a tyrant .
I had 5 sisters i was near the middle a child who couldnt talk and was very insecure with life .
Life was hard i never felt love just hate against me as my mother hated the male off spring as my father would beat her senseless .
I was the 1 she took her anger out on and beating me and making a show of me and finally trying to drown me at the age of eight in the bath saying she hated me ,i couldnt even shout because i couldnt speak i remember breathing for air and idd gwet dunkewd again and again .
I was dragged out the bath and was thrown in my bedroom ,to lay not crying just curled up in a ball frightened to cry incase she came in again to hit me or say your just like your father .
I tried to be happy always smiling but with a fear of people this fear has stayed with me up until i was 37 .
I had no father figure just my mother bringing guys back and saying they where your uncle ,lol.
Anyway i went through school acting the clown never really interested in working really ,id run off for days on end ,not wanting to go home trying to find love off people .
I met a neighbours son at the local youth club i was about 12 at the time he was about 18 .
He befriended me and life was good then he would ask me to do things to him i didnt like it and was shit scared to tell any one who the fuck could i turn to ,the guy bought me gicts to keep me quiet i took this for about 3 years and in the end i stabbed him in his bedroom and nearly killed the nonce ,i was told at the time dont tell anyone or id go to jail for life .
I was lost i turned to drugs in a big way from the time the abuse started ,me speach i coulkdnt even say my name it would take sometimes 10 minutes .
I started on a scheme at the age of 16 doing general building i loved it but wanted to twat everyone through there laughing at me i was bleeding inside .
Anyway i finished the course and started doing general labouring for a large industrial roofing contractor life was good i was 100 foot in the air working hard but that was my place in heaven .
Life was good we worked all over the country i felt really good even though my talking was still severe i wanted to really tell people what happened and tried a few times and was taken as a freak .
I worked there till i was 21 and the firm went bust i moved home i had a few girlfriends in the mean time ,,i moved into a flat me brother in law gave me .
Id just moved in and was decorating it and i ran out of fags ,my cousin lived a few blocks away this was 8pm at night so i went to where i thought she would live ,i remember knocking at the door ,the door was half ajar ,i try me hardest to say Jane but it came out jjjjjjjjjj i heard come in i walked in the hall way and walked 2wards the living room ,a woman stood at the door screaming get out i couldnt even say what id came for or who i started to walk back and i remember someone gripping round the neck and smashing me face in with a load of rings on ,i coulkdnt hit the guy as it was a mistake ,i was inthere for 20 minutes of not stop beating the woman even joined in aswell i remember trying to say stop it and couldnt even speak ,i remmeber him taking me to the bath room by my head and him smashiung me teeth and face against the sink i lost me front teeth and broken nose ,i gripped him round the neck and was choking him i ran foir the door and with all my anger said get in the front garden ,he slammed the door and as i turned round me cousin was in the next garden ,SHIT WRONG DOOR .
The police came and i got fucked off because they thought because i couldnt speak they would brush it under the carpet ,A local bouncer called hendrix came to see me and asked me to join martial arts i trained for 12 years in this time .
I met a girl and we started a family and had 3 kids started a business and we moved away 15 miles from where we lived ,i was lost couldnt speak and didnt really have people in our home ,i was the joker in the house always playing with the kids coming home from work .
I was about to get married but 5 weeks before my daughter was abused by a neighbours son ,my world was shattered we never let anyone in our home Huh

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The wedding was a shambles i got absolutely smashed and fucked the wedding day up i couldnt even tell my wife and to make matters worse 1 of my best men was the nephew of the man who abused me ,i only went to see the twat to tell him what his uncle did to me but didnt have the heart to tell him my stutter was so severe then .
I was fucking raging ,i rang his uncle up just before i got married and screamed down the phone you bastrad you abused me ,all that noince could say i lost me spleen what about me .
Ive spent the last 5 years in hell learning to talk fluent my wife seemed not arsed 6 weeks after the wedding my wife said make them move my kids where scared to go on the front ,id worked 20 years for a fucking dream home and i hated it .
My wife asked me to make the family move out of the cul-de sac ,his father drank in a pub down the road ,i came staright in from work and went in the pub the smarmy twat was with 15 of his m8s ,i pulled him to 1 side and eventually got to say move as i was noit selling .
He came the house later on and said he,d bomb me if i bombed him .
I was in a town where i knew no fucker and he said he,d bomb me ,i thought fuck you so next day went in the pub and told him to move .
2 weeks later he moved up sticks .
Life was good for a few months and i made m8s with a local lad ,i remember it was me sons birthday 18 of december the guy knocked ,and asked if i wanted a beer in the local pub i went down in me van ,and we had a pint he was joking saying he had panic attacks ,just taking the piss really ,2 lads came in the pub kicking off and they smashed a table over a bar maids head the local old guys intervened and where beaten to a pulp .the lad said go and stop it so i went up to them and pointed outside i walked out and waited they both came out the lad i came out with sat in the van and said which 1 will you take i took the biggest and kicked him they ran off and shouted we,ll put your windows through ,i went back in the pub to get me coat and drove to my hoome the windows where all smashed in .
I was gutted the lad said he knew where they lived so we drove round and he seen thenm on a grass verge i jumped out they where armed with base ball bats and knifes .
I was fighting with the 2 of them and the lad drove off in me van .
I was stuck there with 2 armed lads in the end i ran off up the road and went round a corner and he was sat in me van .
We went his home so i took his samuria sword and drove to where they lived i demanded them to come out ,in the end i chopped the porch down and tried me hardest to get in the home ,.
I drove home ,me windows smashed and my kids crying i remember drinking vodka in the living room and i seen loads of heads outside ,i ran out with a kitchen knife and was greeted by a road full of armed police .
I was nicked and placed in a cell over night ,i eventually got the charges dropped and had to pay for the damage .
My confidence in people was shit ,i wouldnt allow my kids to play and no 1 entered my home if they did it would freak me out if they went near my kids only close family would be alloowed in .
In the end julie started to bring a friend round a few years later ,the woman would flirt all the time with me i told julie to stop her and she would say ,(she,s joking ) we made m8s anyway and they,d bring coke and dope round all the time id try and tell them what life ahd been like and couldnt hardly tell them through being a severe stutterer .
Next thing i know she starts bringing her 13 year old daughter round when i was drunk and she,d say she wanted to lose her virginity wehen she was 14 ,id tell the wife to stop this and all she,d say its me m8 and its family life ,i had fuck all to do with us ,it drove me mad .
This would happen week after week ,then she would bring her 16 year old daughter round and she,s try to flirt with me and send emails and ask for money for sex id say i dont want them in the home ,
I went the doctors and told him a thought the wife thought i was a pedo and her m8s ,he gave me a anti depressant called citalopram ?
I was in deep depression by then .
What i didnt know was in 1% of cases with people whoi have a severe stutter it makes them talk fluent ,i was amazed it worked on me ,i was fucking fluent at talking all the wife could say she didnt have the hold on me anymore i thought fuck you she should be happy .
Next before xmas last year the wife came in from shopping and a neighbour knocked whid seen passing said you left your lights on the car ,at this time i was drinking vodka taking sleepers an she would get cocaine i was well and truly smashed ,he came in as the wife said show him the hawks and owls we had as i was into falconry ,he had a few drinks and fucked off ,next xmas came the anti depresants and waht ever made me feel suicidal xmas was fucked with what the wife was doing ,we spent new year with her m8s and daughters and her hubby i rememeber about 1 am in the morning the woman came onto me and kissed me i dont remember much about it ,then the eldest daughter tried to kiss me .
I was fucking gutted i told the wife and she didnt believe me ,
The 12 of january came and the neighbour knocked again this was 9 pm at night and asked could he have a drink i agreed ,he came in the kitchen and he had a beer my wife was there the kids in bed ,after 30 minutes the wife went bed ,i was sat in the living room with him ,he,d been the toilet on the occassion he came before .
He asked could he go on toilet i agreed and he closed the living room door behind him ,i waited about 5 minutes and he didnt return ,i went to look for him ,i looked all down stairs (No sign ) .
I went up the stairs to check on my family ,i looked in the wifes rtoom she was reading a book ,looked at me sons room it was open i could see him ,looked at the bathroom open as usual ,looked at my girls room it was closed we never left it closed .
I tried to open the door it was locked my son heard me and ran to my side i eventually opened the door and the twat was in the middle of the room ,me daughters shit scared i told him to get out me house i didnt want to kill him infront of them .
As i walked down the stairs he fell at the side of me ,i lost the plot and tried to kill him at 1 point i was going to chop his head off after he was knocked out ,my wife dragged the knife off me .
He was blleding heavily from his mouth and died twice in the hall .i had to revive him .
An ambulance came he was taken off .
He left a note a wek later in the door asking for me to talk to him and he had a phone number ,i rang off the wifes phone and said if i ever see you again id kill him .
1 Hour later he turned up with his brother and said he wanted to play dolls with them i ran in the home and chased the 2 of them dowen the road ,the police came and the twat tried to get me nicked for all kinds .
I was released on bail and in the end the charges where dropped .
I couldnt work and hadnt done for a few months before hand due to depression me talking was great i was just down .
4 Weeks went by i was slipping deeper and deeper in to depression we took our kids out to watch a film ,we came back and the 16 year old girl turned up about 9pm i was smashed ,i remeber her showing me and the wife her boyfriends cock and i started arguing with them and went in the living room ,the girl came in and triewd to kiss me i pushed her away and slung the ash tray through the telly and went to bed .
I remember being in bed and police where all around me i was arrested and my wife had an injunction against me for a year .
I had contact with my kids up until august i had moved into a river side apartment my speech was brilliant with out any medication my kids came 1 day and left me a gold medal in a ribbon saying WINNER AND AT THE BACK A STAR .
I was a good dad very protective and couldnt speak ,my kids love me thats all that counts and that made me want to live after they left me that .
The minds a strong tool ,ive proved i could speak in the end fluent all because i wanted to tell people what happened ,ive been beaten ,half killed called a pedo ,gay ,freak ,spastice ,window licker, you name it .
Its good to prove them wrong i was abused it doesnt make me an abuser i couldnt talk ill have the last laugh ,I got the WINNERS MEDAL OFF MY KIDS
Can jeremy ask me and my wife to go on the show and do a lie detector test on national tv